Just ranting!

Ok, it's been long a lot of things been happening in my life..currently, as in now as of 5pm 22nd of April I can feel my nose flaring and smoke is apparnet from my ears. I so hate liars, i hate people who can't keep their promise, i hate it when they make decisions and break it themselves. Ok call me shallow, but for a week I was looking forward to go in-line skating with my friends, the first time my friend initiated it and she backed out that same day making an excuse that she is sleepy and promised to come today she even planned for it..but maybe she just can'r carry her huge ass and make excuses again that she's lazy. What a fucking excuse! Now that I am fuming she wants to go..just because I am pissed! Wtf?

20th of April, Friday

Had a minor accident. I was in a cab on my way to an appointment when this careless taxi driver of mine lost control of the car and made a bad turn that almost flipped the vehicle. I blocked out for a few seconds..My head hurts a bit. Felt like an egg shaken inside a box. But still managed to party that night.

Joy ride indeed!

I was on board bus 65 from work going to Orchard. I was pretty tired my contact lenses are hurting my eyes so I tried to shut my peepers and rest. When I opened it, Adonis was standing in front of me..or looks like. Lol, damn! I never knew that bus rides can be this interesting. Anyway when the girl beside me alighted the cute guy decide to plop next to me. It was difficult to examine someone so close to you..it's way to obvious. I swear I started fidgeting. So did he..he kept on turning his head and fiddling with his files and phone. Then he stood up..Drat! He's alighting! So I went to look at his direction and he flashed a smile..sorta shy kinda smile..So i let my eyes smile a little..then when he was outside already he glanced at the window one more time and flashed a very cute smile..this time I smiled back and meant it.. Damn of all places to flirt! I wish I'll see him again!! waaaaaaah!! I'll try my luck tomorrow!

No Money, No Honey, No Carbo? Huwhat?

Great! Seems like nothing is in order in my life..hmm. I didn't get my much coveted job at the gallery. But that's ok, I endured one heartbreak..another rejection is much tolerable.

Since I can't seem to control anything at the moment. I started looking into the scale..yep the weighing scale...compared to my pics 2 years back (Now in white, then in green!!:()..i'm heavier by12 kg..yup that's quite lot! And this is very much unacceptable especially if you compare yourself with wafer-thin models and celebrities..So I recently embraced Southbeach Diet once again...and i do my crunches, i lather my skin with all sort of firming goos, dry brush from my feet towards my heart then neck down, scrub 2x a day...condemned carbohydrates since im on Southbeach..i wonder if I could ever get my body back..or better? Maybe...wait and see. I'll show you!

For Everyone Who Have Loved

Someone told me that in order to move forward you need to look back. You know, tie those loose ends. Make peace with your devil or something that sounds like that... Doesn’t matter but I'm doing it.

First I cleaned the house, cleaned my room, threw stuffs I don't really need but thought I would someday, went on a holiday last November (until now actually..) Started writing what I want to do, start planning my life. Started getting closures from my exes..Trust me it's necessary.

My first boyfriend, my real first, the one I'm in love with, we had a great time though we had serious language barrier. But we had to part because we were y0ung I was only 19, he was going abroad to study, and we didn't know where we are going. I cried a lot. Scared I'll never see him again. Years after, he messaged me. He told me he loved me and always will. Now he’s got a girlfriend, the 2nd one after me, (yes I’m the first and proud of it), He is finishing from College soon. He even invited me to come to his graduation. Only proves that lovers can also be friends after, it may take time but it’s possible. Recently, while we were having a talk, I happen to be frustrated, about needing closure from a recent squeeze. And since I couldn't get any answers from the current one I vented all my questions to him. Finally I heard him say sorry, he explained himself. He told me that he was happy when he was with me and I can always count on him whenever I need someone. I cried once again but right after I feel better. I loved him more but I know I no longer want to be with him. I respected him. It took me 5 years to get that. But I am happy.

Now my new break-up; The only guy I ever introduced to my family and stayed in my house, the guy who took me out of my misery, the guy who was almost perfect, the guy who makes me feel safe but feel like taking care of. That guy just broke my heart but believe it or not I felt happy and sad. Happy for everything we had sad because…because life isn’t perfect. I am forever thankful because I had him even for a short period of time. The day I met him was the day I looked at the world the brightest. He will always be in my heart and never be forgotten. I got my closure. Thank you! :)